Hello, this is the first in a new series of blog posts I'm doing called After-Thoughts Recollection where I try to remember and explain as badly as I can the plot of games or anime I saw recently. This series is inspired by Spoilers Ahead by Wrath Club on Youtube, with the only major difference being that my interpretations of these stories are not high, just dumb.
Now generally when it comes to games I don't care much about stories because I like to pretend I'm the character I'm playing as and with the exception of character creation stories usually get in the way of that if they're too much of a focus. For that reason, Visual Novels are a nice compromise because I can actually be that character as long as I pretend it's first person.
So then I got recommended Doki Doki Literature Club which is a game where you literally insert yourself into the world of the visual novel so that the internal logic of the universe breaks down due to my overwhelming god power. Unfortunately, I can only use my divine powers to attract hot psychobitches. Or the one psychobitch specifically.
The story opens up with some idiot meeting some other idiot by the name of Sayori. She's apparently a late sleeper and also has a deep craving for things in her mouth. As she goes to school with the dumbass she talks about having him join a club, a club for reading, a literature club. Except it's apparently for idiots because the only books they actually read are Sailor Moon parodies and the M rated version of Goosebumps. The rest of the time they either talk about nothing or write 2nd grade poems. Did I mention this is in a Japanese High School? I didn't realize Japanese High School students were fucking dumb.
So in order to join the Literature Club, which you don't even want to because reading sucks, you have to talk to three members of the literature club. The club president Monika, the book worm Yuri, and some confrontational girl by the name of Natsuki.
So in the end you join for two reasons. The fake reason is because Natsuki makes great cupcakes and you're looking to get fat so that you can get cred with the ladies for being able to eat. The real reason is so that you can hang around with these hot chicks and show them that you know how to eat.
The story has three paths depending on the girl you want to eat. SayOri and the Blind Forest, who is going the route of the childhood friend character that was dropped in harem shows a long time ago because it doesn't make sense why they haven't fucked yet. Natsuka Magicka, the dominatrix girl who will make you eat whether you want to or not. And Yuri On Ice, who you have to treat really well so that she warms up to you and shows you everything.
If you go with Natsuki, you'll bake together while she asserts her dominance, only ceasing when she sees how big your balls are. If you go with Yuri, she will get really into her work and start to get shy about the fact that she totally wants you. At this point in the story, I was pretty sure she was fat in middle school because she has no self-esteem in spite of the fact that she's hot as fuck and has at least three friends.
During this time you also find out that Sayori and the Will of the Wisps is depressed and she doesn't want to be a burden. She shows up after the interactions with whoever you went with so that she can talk about how she wants you more than the other girls and that your huge dick and eating skills will be great anti-depressants for her.
So the next day you go to school and Monika tells you not to leave Sayori hanging, which in retrospect makes her just as much of a psychobitch as the real one if you think about it because immediately after that you go to Sayori's home and find that she hung herself.
Then the character you're playing as starts tripping balls because I guess it was a nightmare and he wakes up the next day with Sayori having never existed. I completely relate to this character as my sexy wife also only exists in my dreams.
So he goes to school and talks to Monika, who is apparently the actual friend he knew before the start of the semester, which begs the question of why my character was dreaming about a flat airhead when he could have this hot babe instead? She's not only intelligent and dedicated enough to be the top student of her class but she's also got a sweet body and a thing for this character too.
So Monika introduces him to her literature club, because I guess he also has psychic powers, or the dream was about information he heard about in class, take your pick. And then you meet Natsuki, the dominatrix girl who's actually an abuse victim, and Yuri who is now showing her psychobitch side by laughing hysterically and making Natsuki cry.
Yuri is apparently super into you to the point of being a stalker because she gets horny over everything you do and wants to have you touch every part of her body. Look Yuri, I get that you want me, but I'm already married to a woman you'll never meet because she only exists in my dreams.
Unfortunately she doesn't listen and tries to do the sex in the middle of the club, I guess she's an exhibitionist on top of being a masochist. Yuri then asks you to love her and I don't know what her deal is because she kills herself no matter what you say to her. It's like with the waifu from your dreams, you can either tell her you love her or you can friendzone her and she'll die either way. Is this an undiscovered fetish that I'm not aware of?
So after staying in that room for the entire weekend, without sleeping for some reason, Natsuki gets murdered by Monika after she sees Yuri's corpse because Monika is the actual murderer!
Then you wake up from that dream too, and end up waking up in Monika's classroom which I don't even know what to think about it because I just got out of two dreams where my waifu's died and am now waking up seemingly from being drugged to see a girl who's talking about my real identity. Or so she thinks. She calls me by the name of my computer but my computer's username is actually the nickname of my cousin so Monika is now obsessed with the wrong person.
She talks about how she doesn't exist and feels bad for not being able to meet me. Wait, I thought I went into your world. Are you saying that you entered this world from your dreams too and you're just as lucid as I am? So are the other girls real people too and you just killed them because I'm super sexy? I appreciate your enthusiasm but I don't date psychobitches, in spite of the fact that I just had two dreams where they fall in love with me and then die.
So the way to end this nightmare is to kill Monika so that she resets the world or something. And then you wake up from that dream and go into the last dream where Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri are alive again and Monika is dead. Only you're not tripping balls anymore and the characters are all acting normal now so I guess Monika invaded the world to screw it up and fulfill the wish she had from when she was alive, which was apparently to get as much dick as possible.
Then Sayori talks to you in private and she starts talking about how it's good that you erased Monika and that now she can have you all to herself. And you start tripping balls again, and goddamn it, is Natsuki the only one who's not a psychobitch?! Am I gonna have to fuck a loli to protect my balls like that stupid song from the Ninja episode of South Park? I don't even like lolis, I just want to not be castrated!
So Monika's spirit comes back from beyond the grave and erases the entire universe because the god powers I thought I had were nothing compared to hers. All praise Monika and her godly divinity!
And now the dream's over and now I can return to my life of not being wanted ever again. But at least I'll still have my balls.
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What's up dinguses, this is the end of this post. If you enjoyed that then stay tuned because I'll be doing more in the future. And if you didn't enjoy that, check out some of my other blog posts because I promise most of them are far more dignified than this one.
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